she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
