Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
