I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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