12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
