thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
