she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So much Jack, so little girl.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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