had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
