I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
