can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
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Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
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can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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