dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
