i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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