I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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