I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
