Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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