Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
