Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
