I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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