i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
