I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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