"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
