Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
