I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My vagina is officially offended.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
