Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She needs sedatives and a leash
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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