You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
