I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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