Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
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Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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