god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
