sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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