i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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