i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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