I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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