Cold hands, warm shart.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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