I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
