there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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