I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
