Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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