some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Randomize
