I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
