I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
