oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
