Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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