So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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