That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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