He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
