I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
