woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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