I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
