I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
