and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
