Whoa Z and x make the same sound
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
