i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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