Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
