Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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