So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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