I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
