you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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