vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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