I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
