Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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