Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
