He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
