Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
