Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
