yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
