I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
