you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
