I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
