i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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